Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
