A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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