the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
