Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
