guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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