hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
