i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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