what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
