There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
