So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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