Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I wear drunk well.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
