my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
