I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
