My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
