Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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