She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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