Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize