No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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