I can tuck mytits in my pants
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize