when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
