she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
