Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
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Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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