I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
