Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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