He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
