I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
