who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
