Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I look better un-naked...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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