I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
