His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
