Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
