I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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