there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just found puke in my bra..
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
