I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
