at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
