You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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