i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
