Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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