i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
