i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
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omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
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You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize