Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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