How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
