i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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