I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
