the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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