anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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