If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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