Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
