i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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