i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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