Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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