He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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