I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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