Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
