i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
