i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
