The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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