You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
