So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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