im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
