I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
