Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
