Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Less talking, more tequila
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
