Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
