I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
